Wednesday, December 26, 2012

First days of Motherhood

When I was pregnant with my oldest I daydreamed how peaceful my life will be with a newborn.  The lazy Sunday mornings sleeping in together.  Running errands with her in my arms.  Gently rocking her to sleep at night.  Myself looking fresh as a daisy.  Basking in the glow of new motherhood.  My body bouncing back to its pre-pregnancy state few days later.  Needless to say my expectations were different than reality.

Discovery.  It was all about charting the new territory. That feeling of realization when our midwives left the house "Honey where are the instructions for this baby?"  The abundant lessons of 4 am, which carried deep wisdom.  The steep learning curve.  At the same time the absolute awe with this tiny being.  So perfect.  We were speechless.  Our hearts exploded with love.  This unconditional,indescribable and most beautiful love that we've ever felt.  That amazing connection and bond.  This tiny being is our child and we are her parents. She belongs here with us.  Our lives changed forever.

And then came the hours spent feeding, burping and rocking the baby.  The endless pacing.  Surly this baby must sometime go to sleep? My heart jumped out of my chest every time baby made a sound.  And when she cried it was like a million dollar race to get to her.We were the typical nervous first time parents. Roller coaster of emotions.  This is the best thing that happened to us but at the same time the most challenging.

When Ivy our second was born we were in an entirely different space.  We were dare I say relaxed? With our eldest we had everything ready; her clothes, baby blankets, assortment of toys, books and other baby paraphernalia ready at 7 months pregnant.  With Ivy there was no sense of urgency but knowledge that somehow we'll all get it ready in time.

Motherhood second time around is definitely more relaxed but it comes with its own set of challenges.  For us it was the division of time and attention between our two kids.  How can I attend to my baby and meet my toddler's needs at the same time? Why is my toddler most demanding when I need to nurse the baby? It was as if I never sat on the couch before.  With a newborn you are pretty much couch bound.  Apparently it was the best time for Bella to jump around and try to climb the couch me included.  I had no choice but to master nursing while walking, giving Bella a bath or getting her snacks.  I got pretty good with handling things with one hand.  And then I found my baby carrier.  My old and trusty Moby Wrap that I've also used with Bella.  It now came really handy.

What I loved the most about this time was the birth of sisterhood.  Seeing Bella become an older sister was the best gift.  The loving simile on her face when she first met Ivy.  The nurturing touch when she placed her hand on her cheek.  The sparkle in her eye when she looked at Ivy.  The way she sang to her.  The sweet things she would say to her "Ivy you are my best friend.  You are such a cuddly baby.  I love you so much.  You were my best wish come true." My heart melted over and over again.

Having my husband around for two weeks was great.  I'd focus on the baby while he took care of the toddler.  It was bliss.  The hours spent holding Ivy in my arms, gazing into her eyes and enjoying the special breastfeeding relationship that we were establishing.  Figuring out breastfeeding took the most time.  As most mothers know sometimes it works instantly and other times not.  For us it took 6 weeks to get it right.  Since then nursing became my favourite part of being a mother.

Things got a little more hectic upon my husband's return to work. In the midst of adjustment there was one silver lining.  We were very fortunate to have our dear friend Lara as our Post Partum Doula.  The practical skills, knowledge and resources she offered were invaluable.  She helped me to work through some early breastfeeding challenges and helped to build my confidence so that I could succeed. She took care of my toddler in a fun and creative way ensuring that I had time to rest or nurse my baby.  She helped in ways I didn’t even anticipate.  She cooked meals for us, walked my dog, did the dishes and helped to tidy up.  She brought joy and a sense of relief to our household with her calm spirit and thoughtful demeanor. I'd recommend hiring a Post Partum Doula to any new mother.  I'd not have enjoyed these first few weeks as much as I did if it wasn't for Lara.  I'd also not be in such great place if it wasn't for my friends and my mom's help.

The great thing about motherhood is that you get better at it.  You find your routines.  You get to know your children.  You learn how to prioritize.  You learn how to fit a shower in your day and find a moment to have a cup of tea.  It eventually gets easier.  Your baby starts sleeping longer.  You start feeling better. You get to see a special relationship develop between your children.  You settle into being a bigger family.  And you find yourself breezing through the day with a smile on your face.  Well on most days anyway.



                                                    Ivy in a Moby Wrap at 3 weeks old.





                                                    Bella meeting Ivy for the first time.



                                                       Ivy fits perfectly into our family.









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